The "burb" and other things
So I promised a few posts ago a short post about the "burb" or the old 1984ish suburban that is my primary work vehicle around these parts. Well I lied about the short part but as to the burb I've decided to describe this old workhouse as it would effect your senses, should you come upon it.
1. Sight. It is a tan vehicle. In fact tan is the only color for this vehicle inside, outside, and the caked mud in and off it. It is also big. Big and Tan about sums up the grosser obvious elements. Now for the finer detail. The two doors on the driver side look as if a bison rammed them at half-speed. Large wide dents in the middle of each door, if you lock the driver door you must use the key on the outside to unlock it. The windshield has two cracks, one small, one larger and more spider-webby. The larger one was apparently caused when some spatially challenged employees decided to load a canoe into the suburban. Apparently they had it mostly in when they ran up against a clear impermeable membrane. I imagine the conversation went something as follows.
Mikey: Hey Guys hold up, its pressing against the glass.
Bill: Mikey says hole on, its pressing upon the mass.
Berthold: The monkey said, go on, its passing through the morass.
Henrik and Samuel: Ok, here goes. *Crack* Wait, why did we listen to a Monkey?
2.Taste: N/A
3.Touch: Hmm, well the brakes are a bit touchy, don't want to press too hard, and it has no heat, which wouldn't be so much of a problem except its been below freezing at night the last few nights and you can feel the wind on your face with the windows up.
4.Smell: Smells ok. A bit like the out-of-doors.
5. Noises. For starters there are some random odds and ends that are in the bed, plastic buckets, metal flags, and such that roll whenever you turn >60 degrees. This rolling is loud. Sounds as if you were too drop 3 metal pans on the floor together. It sort of scared me the first few times. Something on the bottom, (axle?) also sort of sings a high pitched note whenever you turn. The engine also makes a very sharp sounding we we we we we we sound when on. When you're actually driving there is a general loud roaring sound, coupled with being able to feel wind with the windows up I'm sure. And last but certainly not least. There is no cd, mp3, tape, 8track, or fm radio. There is AM radio. Which means I listen to a lot of conservative talk shows.
Conservative talk shows: Of the three stations I know on AM two are conservative talk, 1280 THE PATRIOT and 1500. I won't say much about them except this one story. A soon-to-be-father called into Mr. Sean Hannity's show as he was walking into the hospital where his wife was giving birth to his first son. He called for the express purpose of telling Sean that his son would NOT!!!! (no-hyberbole in amount of exlamations) be raised as a liberal. I think that no matter what your views, your last conversation before you become a father should not be on the future political orientation of your offspring, at least not on national radio. I know that may clash with a lot of my readers' opinions but I stand by it. In short I like listening to conservative talk radio in about 20-30 minute increments, I find it healthy and relaxing. Also, no matter your views on the man's politics, Rush Limbaugh has one of the greatest radio voices I've ever heard. To this nasal monotone, his voice is like a cooing-deep voiced (contradiction?) siren luring me onto the shoals of far right idealogy.
In other news, I'm not going to Get Ho Get Leid for reasons mentioned elsewhere. This pains me, although slightly less so after no one even commented on my suggestion for the team theme, Going as Oompa Loompas. Granted this would have been a little difficult, but some sort of overall clothing, with orange face paint and green wigs or dye could have pulled it off. And we'd have a ready made song framework to make up any cheer. They're going with some sort of sequined skirt theme, which is good, but not Oompa Loompa Good. Can I get some feedback on this? Why was the Oompa Loompa idea ignored? What do other people think of it? Oh well, perhaps another time. I'm still hoping to catch the spring league tourney in Schill Park, I think I can elevate that to definite if it occurs the same weekend as the $$$$Party$$$$, thats the 21-22 weekend to those who control such things.
What I've been making/eating. So tonight I had Grilled Venison for the first time in my life at the bosses. My bosses name is Jared, nice guy, great guy, he also knows of this so blog any discussion of him by me will have to be relegated to the more secure GhettoBooty listhost. Bambi was well prepared and quite good in both steak and sausage form. It should be noted that Jared shot it himself so it was really quite the home-cooked meal. I made snickerdoodle cookies recently as well. Long time enjoyers of my cookies will be happy to hear that when I made them smaller they tasted better, more evenly cooked and a touch crispy, than my other more normal Leviathan sized products. I've recently invested in dried milk, dried buttermilk, baking soda and baking powder so the baking shall continue. I also haven't given up on wild food. Plan to collect some dandelion, cattail root, and search for some morels this coming weekend.
Finally, a new section of my blog that I'll call "What has Joe been Saying recently?" Don't know how often I'll add to this section, but hopefully quite often. Anyway a recent oft-used choice of words has been. "Slobber the Gloss of (such and such a thing)" This is lifted from Othello where the Duke, after hearing of the Moor's marriage but needing to send him to battle at Cyprus, says, "you must therefore be content to slobber (in ye ole english slubber) the gloss of your new fortunes with this more stubborn and boisterous expedition." So it roughly means to darken the mood or spirit, or at least that's what I think it means.
I guess that's it, wish all who attend Wednesday night tomorrow a happy evening of revelry and remember that if someone should inquire as to who the Duke of New York is, the answer is in fact " You are, A Number One". And that goes for you readers of these humble pages as well.
1. Sight. It is a tan vehicle. In fact tan is the only color for this vehicle inside, outside, and the caked mud in and off it. It is also big. Big and Tan about sums up the grosser obvious elements. Now for the finer detail. The two doors on the driver side look as if a bison rammed them at half-speed. Large wide dents in the middle of each door, if you lock the driver door you must use the key on the outside to unlock it. The windshield has two cracks, one small, one larger and more spider-webby. The larger one was apparently caused when some spatially challenged employees decided to load a canoe into the suburban. Apparently they had it mostly in when they ran up against a clear impermeable membrane. I imagine the conversation went something as follows.
Mikey: Hey Guys hold up, its pressing against the glass.
Bill: Mikey says hole on, its pressing upon the mass.
Berthold: The monkey said, go on, its passing through the morass.
Henrik and Samuel: Ok, here goes. *Crack* Wait, why did we listen to a Monkey?
2.Taste: N/A
3.Touch: Hmm, well the brakes are a bit touchy, don't want to press too hard, and it has no heat, which wouldn't be so much of a problem except its been below freezing at night the last few nights and you can feel the wind on your face with the windows up.
4.Smell: Smells ok. A bit like the out-of-doors.
5. Noises. For starters there are some random odds and ends that are in the bed, plastic buckets, metal flags, and such that roll whenever you turn >60 degrees. This rolling is loud. Sounds as if you were too drop 3 metal pans on the floor together. It sort of scared me the first few times. Something on the bottom, (axle?) also sort of sings a high pitched note whenever you turn. The engine also makes a very sharp sounding we we we we we we sound when on. When you're actually driving there is a general loud roaring sound, coupled with being able to feel wind with the windows up I'm sure. And last but certainly not least. There is no cd, mp3, tape, 8track, or fm radio. There is AM radio. Which means I listen to a lot of conservative talk shows.
Conservative talk shows: Of the three stations I know on AM two are conservative talk, 1280 THE PATRIOT and 1500. I won't say much about them except this one story. A soon-to-be-father called into Mr. Sean Hannity's show as he was walking into the hospital where his wife was giving birth to his first son. He called for the express purpose of telling Sean that his son would NOT!!!! (no-hyberbole in amount of exlamations) be raised as a liberal. I think that no matter what your views, your last conversation before you become a father should not be on the future political orientation of your offspring, at least not on national radio. I know that may clash with a lot of my readers' opinions but I stand by it. In short I like listening to conservative talk radio in about 20-30 minute increments, I find it healthy and relaxing. Also, no matter your views on the man's politics, Rush Limbaugh has one of the greatest radio voices I've ever heard. To this nasal monotone, his voice is like a cooing-deep voiced (contradiction?) siren luring me onto the shoals of far right idealogy.
In other news, I'm not going to Get Ho Get Leid for reasons mentioned elsewhere. This pains me, although slightly less so after no one even commented on my suggestion for the team theme, Going as Oompa Loompas. Granted this would have been a little difficult, but some sort of overall clothing, with orange face paint and green wigs or dye could have pulled it off. And we'd have a ready made song framework to make up any cheer. They're going with some sort of sequined skirt theme, which is good, but not Oompa Loompa Good. Can I get some feedback on this? Why was the Oompa Loompa idea ignored? What do other people think of it? Oh well, perhaps another time. I'm still hoping to catch the spring league tourney in Schill Park, I think I can elevate that to definite if it occurs the same weekend as the $$$$Party$$$$, thats the 21-22 weekend to those who control such things.
What I've been making/eating. So tonight I had Grilled Venison for the first time in my life at the bosses. My bosses name is Jared, nice guy, great guy, he also knows of this so blog any discussion of him by me will have to be relegated to the more secure GhettoBooty listhost. Bambi was well prepared and quite good in both steak and sausage form. It should be noted that Jared shot it himself so it was really quite the home-cooked meal. I made snickerdoodle cookies recently as well. Long time enjoyers of my cookies will be happy to hear that when I made them smaller they tasted better, more evenly cooked and a touch crispy, than my other more normal Leviathan sized products. I've recently invested in dried milk, dried buttermilk, baking soda and baking powder so the baking shall continue. I also haven't given up on wild food. Plan to collect some dandelion, cattail root, and search for some morels this coming weekend.
Finally, a new section of my blog that I'll call "What has Joe been Saying recently?" Don't know how often I'll add to this section, but hopefully quite often. Anyway a recent oft-used choice of words has been. "Slobber the Gloss of (such and such a thing)" This is lifted from Othello where the Duke, after hearing of the Moor's marriage but needing to send him to battle at Cyprus, says, "you must therefore be content to slobber (in ye ole english slubber) the gloss of your new fortunes with this more stubborn and boisterous expedition." So it roughly means to darken the mood or spirit, or at least that's what I think it means.
I guess that's it, wish all who attend Wednesday night tomorrow a happy evening of revelry and remember that if someone should inquire as to who the Duke of New York is, the answer is in fact " You are, A Number One". And that goes for you readers of these humble pages as well.
posted by Joe Little at 9:09 PM
1 Comments:
Longtime reader first time commenter. Your stories of the 'burb remind me of my own 'burb work horse experiences in college. Sounds very similar, except for the color, mine was yellow. Oh and one of the dents was really bison related, the joys of new mexico. The color also helped when a co-worker got stuck in quickly( read flash flood) rising river basin. Prompting him to call for help from the roof of the truck. Only need to be answered by the chorus of yellow submarine.
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